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  • A Marvelous Underground Journey: Chapter 1

    BULGER IS GREATLY ANNOYED BY THE FAMILIARITY OF THE VILLAGE DOGS AND THE PRESUMPTION OF THE HOUSE CATS.—HIS HEALTH SUFFERS THEREBY, AND HE IMPLORES ME TO SET OUT ON MY TRAVELS AGAIN. I READILY CONSENT, FOR I HAD BEEN READING OF THE WORLD WITHIN A WORLD IN A MUSTY OLD
    MS. WRITTEN BY THE LEARNED DON FUM.—PARTING INTERVIEWS WITH THE ELDER BARON AND THE GRACIOUS BARONESS MY MOTHER.—PREPARATIONS FOR DEPARTURE.

    Bulger was not himself at all, dear friends. There was a lack-lustre
    look in his eyes, and his tail responded with only a half-hearted wag when I spoke to him. I say half-hearted, for I always had a notion that the other end of Bulger’s tail was fastened to his heart. His appetite, too, had gone down with his spirits; and he rarely did anything more than sniff at the dainty food which I set before him, although I tried to tempt him with fried chickens’ livers and toasted cocks’ combs—two of his favorite dishes.

    There was evidently something on his mind, and yet it never occurred to me what that something was; for to be honest about it, it was something which of all things I never should have dreamed of finding there.

    Possibly I might have discovered at an earlier day what it was all
    about, had it not been that just at this time I was very busy, too busy, in fact, to pay much attention to any one, even to my dear four-footed foster brother. As you may remember, dear friends, my brain is a very active one; and when once I become interested in a subject, Castle Trump itself might take fire and burn until the legs of my chair had become charred before I would hear the noise and confusion, or even smell the smoke.

    It so happened at the time of Bulger’s low spirits that the elder baron had, through the kindness of an old school friend, come into possession of a fifteenth-century manuscript from the pen of a no less celebrated thinker and philosopher than the learned Spaniard, Don Constantino Bartolomeo trepholofidgeguaneriusfum, commonly known among scholars as
    Don Fum, entitled “A World within a World.” In this work Don Fum
    advanced the wonderful theory that there is every reason to believe that the interior of our world is inhabited; that, as is well known, this vast earth ball is not solid, on the contrary, being in many places quite hollow; that ages and ages ago terrible disturbances had taken place on its surface and had driven the inhabitants to seek refuge in these vast underground chambers, so vast, in fact, as well to merit the name of “World within a World.”

    This book, with its crumpled, torn, and time-stained leaves exhaling the odors of vaulted crypt and worm-eaten chest, exercised a peculiar fascination upon me. All day long, and often far into the night, I sat poring over its musty and mildewed pages, quite forgetful of this surface world, and with the plummet of thought sounding these subterranean depths, and with the eye and ear of fancy visiting them, and gazing upon and listening to the dwellers therein.

    While I would be thus engaged, Bulger’s favorite position was on a
    quaintly embroidered leather cushion brought from the Orient by me on one of my journeys, and now placed on the end of my work-table nearest the window. From this point of vantage Bulger commanded a full view of the park and the terrace and of the drive leading up to the porte-cochère. Nothing escaped his watchful eye. Here he sat hour by hour, amusing himself by noting the comings and goings of all sorts of folk, from the hawkers of gewgaws to the noblest people in the shire. One day my attention was attracted by his suddenly leaping down from his cushion and giving a low growl of displeasure. I paid little heed to it, but to my surprise the next day about the same hour it occurred again.

    My curiosity was now thoroughly aroused; and laying down Don Fum’s musty manuscript, I hastened to the window to learn the cause of Bulger’s irritation.

    Lo, the secret was out! There stood half a dozen mongrel curs belonging to the tenantry of the baronial lands, looking up to the window, and by their barking and antics endeavoring to entice Bulger out for a romp. Dear friends, need I assure you that such familiarity was extremely distasteful to Bulger? Their impudence was just a little more than he could stand. Ringing my bell, I directed my servant to hunt them away. Whereupon Bulger consented to resume his seat by the window.

    The next morning, just as I had settled myself down for a good long read, I was almost startled by Bulger bounding into the room with eyes flashing fire and teeth laid bare in anger. Laying hold of the skirt of my dressing-gown, he gave it quite a savage tug, which meant, “Put thy book aside, little master, and follow me.”

    I did so. He led me down-stairs across the hallway and into the
    dining-room, and then this new cause of discontent on his part became very apparent to me. There grouped around his silver breakfast plate sat an ancient tabby cat and four kittens, all calmly licking or lapping away at his breakfast. Looking up into my face, he uttered a sharp, complaining howl, as much as to say, “There, little master, look at that. Isn’t that enough to roil the patience of a saint? Canst thou wonder that I am not happy with all these disagreeable things happening to me? I tell thee, little master, it is too much for flesh and blood to put up with.”

    And I thought so too, and did all in my power to comfort my unhappy little friend; but judge of my surprise upon reaching my room and directing him to take his place on his cushion, to see him refuse to obey.

    It was something extraordinary, and set me to thinking. He noticed this and gave a joyful bark, then dashed into my sleeping apartment. He was gone for several moments, and then returned bearing in his mouth a pair of Oriental shoes which he laid at my feet. Again and again he disappeared, coming back each time with some article of clothing in his mouth. In a few moments he had laid a complete Oriental costume on the floor before my eyes; and would you believe me, dear friends, it was the identical suit which I had worn on my last travels in far-away lands, when he and I had been wrecked on the Island of Gogulah, the land of the Round Bodies. What did it all mean? Why, this, to be sure:—

    “Little master, canst thou not understand thy dear Bulger? He is weary of this dull and spiritless existence. He is tired of this increasing familiarity on the part of these mongrel curs of the neighborhood and of the audacity of these kitchen tabbies and their families. He implores thee to break away from this life of revery and inaction, and for the honor of the Trumps to be up and away again.” Stooping down and winding my arms around my dear Bulger, I cried out,—

    “Yes, I understand thee now, faithful companion; and I promise thee that before this moon has filled her horns we shall once more turn our backs on Castle Trump, up and away in search of the portals to Don Fum’s World within a World.” Upon hearing these words, Bulger broke out into the wildest, maddest barking, bounding hither and thither as if the very spirit of mischief had suddenly nestled in his heart. In the midst of these mad gambols a low rap on my chamber door caused me to call out,—

    “Peace, peace, good Bulger, some one knocks. Peace, I say.”

    It was the elder baron. With sombre mien and stately tread he advanced and took a seat beside me on the canopy.

    “Welcome, honored father!” I exclaimed as I took his hand and raised it to my lips. “I was upon the very point of seeking thee out.”

    He smiled and then said,— “Well, little baron, what thinkest thou of Don Fum’s World within a World?”

    “I think, my lord,” was my reply, “that Don Fum is right: that such a
    world must exist; and with thy consent it is my intention to set out in search of its portals with all safe haste and as soon as my dear mother, the gracious baroness, may be able to bring her heart to part with me.”

    The elder baron was silent for a moment, and then added: “Little baron, much as thy mother and I shall dread to think of thy being again out from under the safe protection of this venerable roof, the moss-grown tiles of which have sheltered so many generations of the Trumps, yet must we not be selfish in this matter. Heaven forbid that such a thought should move our souls to stay thee! The honor of our family, thy fame as an explorer of strange lands in far-away corners of the globe, call unto us to be strong hearted. Therefore, my dear boy, make ready and go forth
    once more in search of new marvels. The learned Don Fum’s chart will stand thee by like a safe and trusty counsellor. Remember, little baron, the motto of the Trumps, Per Ardua ad Astra—the pathway to glory is strewn with pitfalls and dangers—but the comforting thought shall ever be mine, that when thy keen intelligence fails, Bulger’s unerring instinct will be there to guide thee.”

    As I stooped to kiss the elder baron’s hand, the gracious baroness
    entered the room.

    Bulger hastened to raise himself upon his hind legs and lick her hand in token of respectful greeting. The tears were pressing hard against her eyelids, but she kept them back, and encircling my neck with her loving arms, she pressed many and many a kiss upon my cheeks and brow.

    “I know what it all means, my dear son,” she murmured with the saddest of smiles; “but it never shall be said that Gertrude Baroness von Trump stood in the way of her son adding new glories to the family ’scutcheon. Go, go, little baron, and Heaven bring thee safely back to our arms and to our hearts in its own good time.”

    At these words Bulger, who had been listening to the conversation with pricked-up ears and glistening eyes, gave one long howl of joy, and then springing into my lap, covered my face with kisses. This done, he vented his happiness in a string of earsplitting barks and a series of the maddest gambols. It was one of the happiest and proudest days of his life, for he felt that he had exerted considerable influence in screwing to the sticking-point my resolution to set out on my travels once again.

    And now the patter of hurrying feet and the loud murmur of anxious voices resounded through the castle corridors, while inside and out ever and anon I could hear the cry now whispered and now outspoken,—

    “The little baron is making ready to leave home again.”

    Bulger ran hither and thither, surveying everything, taking note of all the preparations, and I could hear his joyous bark ring out as some familiar article used by me on my former journeys was dragged from its hiding-place.

    Twenty times a day my gentle mother came to my room to repeat some good counsel or reiterate some valuable caution. It seemed to me that I had never seen her so calm, so stately, so lovable.

    She was very proud of my great name and so, in fact, were every man, woman, and child in the castle. Had I not gotten off as I did, I should have been literally killed with kindness and Bulger slain with sweet-cake.

  • Zane Lamprey

    Come hang out with us and see Zane!

  • 2026 Burger Week

    It’s almost time for my favorite week of the year again! Owensboro Burger Week returns, and I’m already planning my stops. Since I deactivated Facebook for the foreseeable future, I’ll post my thoughts and burgers here on this blog that only the AI robots are reading these days.

  • Squirrels in the Garage

    January and February have been interesting around the house. It took several days to figure out how squirrels were managing to get into our garage. After chasing out about FIVE over the course of a few days, I finally found a small gap where we tore down a deck last year that was giving them an entry point into the garage. Seems there are none in there this morning when we’ve checked, so hopefully I’ve completely evicted them from the premises.

  • CISSP

    Well, (ISC)2 finally approved my CISSP application, and I’m now a full-fledged CISSP.

  • CISSP Vouchers

    I purchased my CISSP vouchers today. I plan on scheduling the first test somewhere towards the end of August. Hopefully, I won’t need to use the retake, but I went ahead and got the bundle deal just in case. While a lot of this material seems familiar from Security+ and CySA+, there are some things that I’m still unsure about approaching from a different mindset.

  • Massive Undertaking

    You know what else is massive? NINJA’S GOT A LOW TAPER FADE….

    Er, um, well.

    Anyway, I’ve been trying to work through how to completely reconfigure the network at work while not crashing everything to the ground. I need to migrate everything off of a 192.168.0.0/16 that someone back before I had this position thought was a super cool, keen idea. I kinda see what they were attempting to do, but it would have been much cleaner to have segregated these segments out to VLANs and not done this massive superscope that they then statically assigned things in groups around the third octet.

    I’m also taking this time to move things off of VLAN1 and segregate some things onto their own VLAN, such as the camera system.

    I’ll keep you all updated on the progress, but so far I think I have a methodical plan to get this taken care of and no one will know anything changed except the people I keep emailing as I’m changing things.

    The next major upgrade will be changing out all this older network equipment.

  • Microsoft 365 Dynamic Mail Groups

    Yesterday was an interesting one for work. Our custom Dynamic Mail groups that had worked for well over a year stopped working, and we had to figure out how to redo them quickly. The best I could figure, Microsoft has made a change in how those custom rules worked, and nothing was being populated for our rule where we were attempting to determine the group membership based on the domain of the Primary SMTP address.

    We ended up pivoting to some of Microsoft’s pre-canned rules determining membership based on the company name field in AD and AzureAD. This was not a huge issue for half of our users as some already had this field populated with correct information. For the rest, I had to whip up a quick script to populate this field based off of their Primary SMPT domain. I’m sharing this Power Shell script below in case anyone comes across this post with a similar issue.

    #Import the AzureAD module

    Import-Module AzureAD

    #Connect to Azure AD

    Connect-AzureAD

    #Define the domain and the new company name

    $domain = “domain.com”
    $newCompanyName = “Company”

    #Get the user accounts with the specified domain

    $users = Get-AzureADUser -All $true | Where-Object { $_.UserPrincipalName -like “*@$domain” }

    #Update the company name for each user

    foreach ($user in $users) {
    Set-AzureADUser -ObjectId $user.ObjectId -CompanyName $newCompanyName
    Write-Output “Updated company name for user: $($user.UserPrincipalName)”
    }

    Write-Output “Company name update completed.”

  • 2025 Burger Week

    The menu for this year’s Burger Week was announced today, and I’m already planning my lunches.

  • WordPress Export File Located

    Wow, I thought a lot of this was lost to the ether of the Internet, but I located a wordpress export file I made before I let the site expire all those years ago. I doubt I’ll go through and fix the broken images of 250+ blog entries, but at least some of the content should be back. I wonder if the wildcard redirect will push things back to the new pages? Who knows, but a little bit of the early Internet blogosphere was restored today. Hooray, I guess.